First you said “I like you”, then you asked “Can i court you?”.
I knew it wasn’t right to say yes because you were away for weeks and you just ended your 3 years relationship. But no, i was too stupid for you to convince me that it is over, that you don’t want to be with her anymore and she doesn’t to be with you either. Honestly, i thought that you really mean it because you were sweet and all so i gave it a try. But what now? You’re with her again and i was just a rebound. Ugh, i can’t believe that i fell in that trap! I should’ve known!
Why the hell does this affect me that much? I mean we weren’t together, we never had something serious. I can’t even explain how i am feeling right now. As far as i know, i don’t have any feelings for you but why the fuck am i feeling so affected that i can’t even think of something else??
"I’m not making you wait just because I know you will. I’m making you wait because I want you to prove yourself."
That actually says it all.
People always think that the reason why i let them wait for so long is because i just want to play with them or i’m not taking them or their feelings seriously, whats actually pathetic, or taking their will for granted. No! I let the guy wait because I want him to prove himself. While his courting, I want the both of us give chances to get to know each other better and know each others flaws. Of course we wouldn’t know all of them in a “short” amount of time but some. Imagine you’re courting someone and you get together for a few months then you break up because the person suddenly has something that you don’t like. Or you both don’t know each other enough at the beginning of your relationship to overcome the fights etc and it’ll be too much and you end up breaking up because probably no one of you will fight for the relationship because you’ve only been with them for 2-4 months.
Most of relationships nowadays are like this. I don’t want that. I don’t want to waste my time with someone who is not willing to do something to save what we have. I don’t want that short-term relationship.
Maybe it’s time to open up myself again to someone. Maybe it’s time to trust people again, like them and be happy. I mean it has already been more than a year. Yes, it’s nice to have someone you can text all day and maybe phone before going to sleep. Or to have someone who can make you smile no matter how bad your mood is. Someone who accepts you and all of your flaws.
But what if the next person is like the other ones in the past? First they promise you good things and that they will stay no matter how hard it would get, but in the end they get tired of waiting and leave. I don’t want to be in the same bullshit over and over again.